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Methodist official appeals reinstatement of pastor defrocked for officiating gay son’s wedding

Who can hate in the name of God?

Him, I think I miss Him…..

It’s funny how “out of sight out of mind”, really is possible.  For example, when he went away on a family trip and we didn’t speak for a week, it was so easy, as I am sure it was for him too.  I was so busy and preoccupied with many other distractions of my own.  I thought for sure I was safe from the binding urges to call/message/or visit with him.  

Upon his return, it was not long before contact was made, and I felt unenthused at first.  However, a strange and uncomfortable appointment blew that out of the water.  I found myself wanting to have his comfort more than anyone else’s.  Let me back up a little and just say, I am not a needy person, I do not need the affections of others pretty much at all.  Needless to say, I was bewildered at my very own desire to be comforted, especially by this individual.  He is not anyone I would envision in that role.  For me to feel the need to share in my weak moment the pain I was feeling makes me wonder, “why him”?  I am the strong one, the one in charge, the authoritarian. Why would i crave the comfort of his company?  It makes no sense, did I miss him, and not even know it?  I did not want to do anything particular, I jut wanted to lay in his arms and smell him around me.         Maybe even let me cry a little, maybe touch my hair, i don’t even know.  Most of all I just wanted to sit in silence, and have him there.  I didn’t want to talk, or anything else, just be there.  So, Him, yes I think I missed Him!

Spiritual Progress

Love! So needed that right now! Gods divine timing! Let me remember, we never arrive!

Recovery Daily

We are transported into unfamiliar worlds in this program by ideas that sometimes confound our mind. In the spiritual realms we learn things we didn’t learn anywhere else, and gradually they bring us peace. We can decide with our will to follow a spiritual direction, to turn our life and will over to the care of our God. We cannot control what God will do with them. When we learn that part of our problem was trying too hard, being too self sufficient, or being too controlling, our old ways tell us to try hard to control that. But then we are only doing more of the same old thing. We learn that after making our decision, our Higher Power takes over. Now it is possible to be released from our own trying, to move beyond our own efforts by falling into the caring hand of God. I must give…

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Memorial Day Tributes Honor Fallen Heroes From Massachusetts

For you

Your smell, your touch, your taste, I can’t help myself your irresistible.  You’re a one of a kind, but you’re not mine.

This hurts, as I have just discovered and being around you makes everyone and everything else seem so dull.  Its like you’ve destroyed my sensitivity to my prior joys in life, I feel like your a drug, and everything feels better when I am in your presence.  Everything Feels better than it usually does.  EVERYTHING!  I want you, I need you, I wish I were with you right now.  

-Broken

What is happening here?

Always remember….  Feeling aren’t facts!  Must be my mantra revisited.

I am sitting here, lost and confused and I don’t know why.  After a great night out, I am about to burst into tears, something hurts and I don’t know whats happening here.  I don’t know if I need to go for a drive and scream and cry, if I want to talk about it, or if I want to shut out the whole entire world.  I guess this is what happens when you play with fire, you get burned duh!  Well here I sit, in pain, chest aching, stomach turning, wishing I were somewhere, anywhere else right now.  Sadness overwhelms me and I don’t know why?  What is happening here?  I just want to melt away, where I can’t be seen or heard, or found.  Can I not vanish, like a superhero, must I have a human heart?  Have I broken my very own rules?  Have I allowed something so wrong to feel so good that it hurts?  It can’t be, not me, not ever, I am made of steel, a steel magnolia!  I can beat the odds, I can beat it all.  Why do I feel this way?  My is my tummy twisting and turning?  As I sit here and pray it was my dinner, I know I am wrong, and no matter how much I wish it to be, I am too smart to fall for even my own tricks.  I am not sick from dinner, I am not short of breath from even having a cigarette.  I am sore and feeling some feelings which I did not expect but I knew would eventually happen if I played long enough.  I am no fool, I know the rules, I broke them and now I will suffer.  And for now, at this moment, (and I am sure it will pass as I am who I am), a strong survivor of much harder things, but for now, it aches and it hurts and its causing shortness of breath.  Like the elephant is sitting on my chest, but even worse is that I have some so far in my life that I am an open book, and I know others will soon put the pieces together.  I can not mask, not without risking everything I have worked for.  My reputation, my dignity, my respect.  Am I really willing to part with all of that over a temporary filler of my emotional void within myself.  And how selfish is that?  But I swear, I did not intend it, it was not supposed to be this way.  You see, you are wonderful, a great and decent person, I am just observant, and mature enough to appreciate that about you.  It feel stood to tell you how highly I think of you.  It feels good to make someone feel good.  But I know that I am also a filling for your temporary void.  What happens when it starts to feel like more than a helping, and friendly relationship?  What happens when I actually lose control?  I can not do such a thing, not ever.  Yet here I am, questioning my very own strength.  Where is my stubborn and tough qualities now?  Why do you make me want to learn new things, and live new adventures.  I was so content in my small little world of naps, and mundane day to day life.  Why did you happen to come along and breath life into my soul?  Happiness, you source of joy and bliss just go away.  You aren’t mine.  Not now and not ever will you be, you’re for someone else, and she is not me.  However, she is the luckiest woman alive and I hope she will mature enough to see that.  I have have a wonderful of my own, but I sometimes think my wonderful is just sleepwalking through life.  I want to live, I want to enjoy the sun and the moon and the stars above.  I want to feel the rain on my skin, the drops on my tongue and play in the dirt like an engrossed little kid on a brand new adventure.  I want to feel again.  I want to feel again, and I got what I wanted, it just wasn’t what I had bargained for.  This is not what I planned.  How did I get here?  What is happening here?  Someone please tell me, what am I feeling, what the hell is happening here?  If I knew I can adjust it, amend it, make it go away, make it right, and I am strong enough to do that, but not until I know where the problem lies.  Is it in my heart, my head, or my selfish wants and needs.  Is it going to hurt more later?  Should I put a stop to it now, it’ll only grow if I keep feeding it.  I have never been hurt and now its my turn.  I don’t know why to do, what is happening here?  I thought I was smarter than this, I thought I was in control.  Why wasI so foolish, how did I find myself here and where did I lose my control.  This is not me, this is Not me!  Someone else but not me.  How did I let myself go?  Where did I go off the track?  What is happening here.  My life that I loved, its dwindling away, because something thats feels harder and more passionate than before has taken over, I have lost it, I am not the boss now.  I can’t believe it.  What has happened to me, and what is happening here?

The worst part, making myself vulnerable enough to even write this, as it means now that it is out of my head, it is real.  I can not ignore it, now I must take action.  What action will it be.  You will tell me to go screw, I will lose a friend, and that will hurt too.  I am so sorry I dropped the ball, I thought for sure it’d be you, I thought for sure I was exempt, and maybe Ill be fine tomorrow, but for now, I just want to know, what is happening here?

Dress Coded: An Education on (unnecessary) Sexualization

Excellent. Let’s train our boys to be gentleman instead of teaching girls to be afraid of boys!!!

Just somethings to tell you…

I have so much to tell you and here are just a few:

I love when my phone alerts me and it happens to be you.

I love when I see the caller ID and its a picture of you.

I love when you talk and I grin earn to ear.

When I am walking in public, and I don’t even care.

I know my look is a dead giveaway, and I don’t even care, for my smile gets so big it won’t fit anywhere.

I love that your lips are as soft as the are, I love that they kiss me, and I start to see stars.

A perfect match, it just fits so well, when those lips of ours are locking, my heart starts to swell.

You make my chest pound and ache, each message I read, this leads to confusion between my wants and my needs.

I love the way you care what my day has been like, even when its not great, you still want to know.  You have enough to worry yourself with so I don’t want to share, I want to be a source of your joy, so my thoughts need not show.

I love the feel of your chest and the feel of your waist, the look in your eyes, and the smile on your face.  

I can tell you can’t help it, the same way I do, you want me as equally as I do want you.

Theres a mutual science that utilizes us, its proving its theory, using us in their trust.

It knows we’re powerless over the responses we have, to each other and the chats, that we do often have.  

Physically its a gift between us too, so why is it difficult to just see it through?

I love your truck and that is dirty inside, even the way it smells and the trash falling out of the side.

I love that you listen, you hear and you speak.  I love that you pay attention, to the dream s that I keep.

My dreams about “clicking”, about babies and galore.  That boy will play hockey, and he’ll do a lot more.

He will be a good man like a falling apple could repeat.  He’d be made from the best and loved by the rest.

At this point i am falling asleep,  So its time for goodnight and your sol must keep.  Goodnoght.

Down by the pier, just being with you.

Wishing I could be with you, down by the pier.  Holding, comforting, breathing in the perfect nights air.  Wishing I could be with you, just about anywhere, but I like the pier, its so peaceful there.  When the clouds in the sky are moving so quickly, I am praying that time is not moving with it.  Always wanting more time with you.  Wishing each moment would last.  Wishing to repeat each moment.  Wishing, wishing, wishing, over and over again.  To be touching, so gently, giggling in your arms, feeling the sense of comfort, feeling so still, so present, so perfect in time.  We could talk or not talk, either way I am fine.  Just sitting and staring into the nights sky is fine with me.  I don’t need the conversation, though I do love it.  I love when you make sense with me and make me laugh.  I love when you or I say something, anything and the other just gets it, and just smiles with surprise.  I love when you say certain phrases, certain comments, certain words.  Sometimes it is not the words but the tone, the look on your face.  Sometimes, I just love knowing that you enjoy you’re time with me, almost as mush as I with you.  

When I leave your side and return to reality, I can sometimes feels great, fresh, renewed.  Other times I can feel sad, disappointment, and maybe even a little resentment that I can’t have my way.  I could go on and on, and on through the night, but for now I will just end this with a really sweet goodnight.

Goodnight my friend, goodnight and sleep well.  Tomorrow is another day, and with it, no one knows what comes next.  Its a constant mystery, a journey of sorts, that I will continue until the water dries up.  So wait by the pier, I will find my way soon, standing under the sky and the very same moon.