Describe the last nightmare you remember having. What do you think it meant?
Describe the last nightmare I had??? Really, it’s the same nightmare, the only nightmare I have, and it’s again and again.
It all started 6 years ago when my husband proposed. The fear of sharing my life, and risking hurt was so overwhelming that I stopped sleeping. After the insomnia subsided, and I started to sleep again, I had reoccurring dreams that my then fiancé would die, cheat, or flirt right in my face and not even care. Laughing in my face. Its been torture for so long. As of recent they have decreased in frequency and severity, however when I do dream, that is what it is; most of the time.
Thank God I realize that those nightmares are really my fears manifesting in my unconscious mind.
Daily Prompt: Proud.
When was the last time someone told me they were proud of me?
Well, quite frankly, I happen to know exactly when it was, December 19th. It was at the end of my first semester back to school for the first time in 18years, after being a high school drop-out. After having been through a torturous addiction, getting and staying clean and having 2 children and three marriages, the current husband being my third. I only share all of that to help you understand how unlikely it is that I would ever get the chance to go back to school to begin with. With a 17 year old daughter and and a 12 year old daughter, I thought that they were now old enough, and I have been clean long enough to start working towards my goals and dreams. I also wanted to be a positive role model for my girls. Not to mention that my only dream in he whole world is to get an education so that I can finally feel like a somebody. My husband tells me all the time that an education will not make me a better person, but I feel that accomplishing that goal for myself and breaking all the odds will help me feel more empowered. Less shame, less fear can come in the way of me feeling that I may not have something to offer to the world. Knowing this is something I have wanted my whole life and thinking I would never achieve it, when I came home from my last day of finals, the two of us had good cause to celebrate. I had managed to pull off some grades that were pretty impressive. I felt like I had defeated my past, my negative self-tape that has played incessantly in my head for 30 years, telling me I would never amount, that I would never succeed. That is a feeling that I can only describe in a series of dramatic ways, like slaying my emotional demons. My husband was so unselfishly, so genuinely happy for me, he told me he was so proud of me, and hearing that from him, a man of such great honor, was like my Prince slaying yet another demon from my past for me, the voice of my family which are the demons in my head. They no longer own me, and my education continues on fearlessly, knowing that through God and a 12-Step program, ALL things are possible. Proud I am, and proud I should be. My life really is nothing short of a miracle. Amen
Daily Prompt: Cupid’s Arrow
It’s Valentine’s Day, so write an ode to someone or something you love. Bonus points for poetry!
On this day, Valentines Day we are to take time to rejoice in the gifts of love with the ones we love. When I ponder this, I think that everyday is Valentines Day for us. I feel so blessed to be in this journey of life with you, my best friend. There is plenty of business going on in our lives that keep us from spending the time we would like together. Distractions that will age out of our home soon. Obligations and differents hats we are responsible for, and never ceasing to work as a team to make all things possible for our “Brady” sized family. It is funny how we joke about all the things we will do when the kids are all out. The feeling inside me when we thing discuss being together in the future since we have both had babies since we were babies.
Our love has not come easy by any stretch, well at least not easy to reach that point. Each of us had built every bit of character we possess through blood, sweat and tears. None of the love we have came easily or without a very costly price. However without the paths we walked before each other, we would not appreciate what we have today with the passion that we do. A love so plain yet deep, simple but by no means easy is what we have. The deepest, most rewarding kind of love. There is not a single thing we wouldn’t do for the other, knowing that neither of us would ever ask anything in violation of the other. The mutual respect and selfless love we have is rare and immeasurable.
Isn’t that what you get when you have already kissed every frog first??? And isn’t that what you get when you have settled for less for so long, and then a DECENT, UN-SELFISH person comes along, doesnt it seem to flow so naturally? When you have gone and made your mistakes due to immaturity or bad motives before meeting “the one”, things just seem so much more real, so genuine, so so so good.
Happy 6th Valentines Day baby, Together, we can!