Where does it come from and where does it end? Well I would like to think it is a medical phenomenon that we experience all throughout our bodies and brains. First all I would like to talk about the sense, taste, tough, smell, feel and hearing. When all of these things are present and stimulated together it communicates to ht brain which allows the pleasure receptors to go wild. So what is it that changes? I am in a state right now where I am thinking I am experiencing a very young mid-life crisis.
My desire and my focus has been changing completely, and Lord knows the opportunity to act on “filling the void” when in crisis is the main thing on my mind right now. My attitude is that of a self centered child. I want what I want and I am willing to hurt others in order to feel good within myself. The good news is, I am aware of it, the bad news is, I still harbor no remorse. This is very unusual, as normally I would put everything down to not hurt another person. I am in a place called “The Fuck-It Zone”. I am so distant from guilt and remorse that I feel nothing. I know that later I will pay a hefty price and yet I can not even bring myself to care at this moment in time. My blatant disregard for the people I am capable of hurting would be an insurmountable loss. And yet I am moving forward with my weapons of mass destruction, silently killing every innocent in the path to my selfishness. It’s almost as if I have hit a wall of happiness and now I am just prepared to self destruct. Is it stress, is it a crisis of sorts, i don’t know.I just pray that I can find myself in this process without loosing every fiber of respect and dignity have erred over the years. Well see.