When was the last time someone told me they were proud of me?
Well, quite frankly, I happen to know exactly when it was, December 19th. It was at the end of my first semester back to school for the first time in 18years, after being a high school drop-out. After having been through a torturous addiction, getting and staying clean and having 2 children and three marriages, the current husband being my third. I only share all of that to help you understand how unlikely it is that I would ever get the chance to go back to school to begin with. With a 17 year old daughter and and a 12 year old daughter, I thought that they were now old enough, and I have been clean long enough to start working towards my goals and dreams. I also wanted to be a positive role model for my girls. Not to mention that my only dream in he whole world is to get an education so that I can finally feel like a somebody. My husband tells me all the time that an education will not make me a better person, but I feel that accomplishing that goal for myself and breaking all the odds will help me feel more empowered. Less shame, less fear can come in the way of me feeling that I may not have something to offer to the world. Knowing this is something I have wanted my whole life and thinking I would never achieve it, when I came home from my last day of finals, the two of us had good cause to celebrate. I had managed to pull off some grades that were pretty impressive. I felt like I had defeated my past, my negative self-tape that has played incessantly in my head for 30 years, telling me I would never amount, that I would never succeed. That is a feeling that I can only describe in a series of dramatic ways, like slaying my emotional demons. My husband was so unselfishly, so genuinely happy for me, he told me he was so proud of me, and hearing that from him, a man of such great honor, was like my Prince slaying yet another demon from my past for me, the voice of my family which are the demons in my head. They no longer own me, and my education continues on fearlessly, knowing that through God and a 12-Step program, ALL things are possible. Proud I am, and proud I should be. My life really is nothing short of a miracle. Amen