Home » Life » 12 Step Recovery! » Hate feeling so negative!

Hate feeling so negative!

So, Because I am an addict in recovery and have the privilege of working a 12 step program, I become very angry with myself for experiencing some of the emotions I am feeling lately.  I am trying to keep in mind that I am sick, also I am experiencing some change and discomfort due to medication changes, as well as some outside problems we’ll call….  life’s on life’s terms.   So as of this past Saturday, I went up to my daughters gym to video some footage of her to make a video for her advertisement of a sneaker, while doing so, I think I picked up a nasty little virus.  I suspect that’s where I got it because apparently its been traveling through the gym like a bug in daycare.  Now Sunday I am feeling pretty crappy, I decided that since I dont have to attend class again until Tuesday morning, that I will rest up as best  can and catch up with some reading and studying afterwards.  Unfortunately I get sicker as time goes on.  The frustration of the needy spoiled kids and my large amount of tenants/squatters/roomies?????  I am not feeling comfortable or rested anywhere.  Not to mention that for each person in the house there is a pet of some sort, cat or dog, including myself that needs attending and the house that needs attending due to the children/adults/pets we have living here…..   Which normally may not seem like a big deal, but when I am sick and cant do much of anything except watch my home fall apart, I become more and more agitated.  To make things interesting, I am also a full-time student working for my BS in Human Services, with no intentions of stopping there.  I am the wife of a small business owner, who’s corporate taxes are due soon, hint, hint, for me.  Oh also, I am a full-time cheer-mom of two competitive all-star cheer athletes, who travel quite a bit from January to May.  Did I mention that their cheer gym is 45 minutes (1.5 hrs because of the weekday traffic) away from our home?  Yes they leave at 3-4 ish for 5-6ish and they depart the gym at 9 and arrive home at around 10pm.  All while trying to maintain decent grades, which can be a struggle.  Anyhow, we are due in CT this weekend for a big competition, however there is a blizzard sized snow storm headed our way.  So, off to school I go on Tuesday, quite miserable but I went not retaining the fact that I even went to class, LOL.  Luckily my husband volunteered to drive the kids to practice that night so I could try to rest.  So I tried to sleep some.  On Wednesday morning it was my birthday, I wake up, sick as a dog, to my phone ringing, its one of the roomies with a flat tire from taking my daughter to school!  I have to grab her, take my little one (12) to school, drop her off, then head back to the SUV I left sitting with a flat.  Some nice young kids at the shop adjacent to where we were seen us, and helped us out.  Meanwhile, I find out my bank account is overdrawn to -$78.00.  I am still laughing to myself, after all, what else am I to do????  I then proceed to get an ear-full from my husband about the tire, which by the way, isnt helping the tire, inst helping my bank account and certainly isnt stuffing chocolate b-day cake in my mouth, therefore NOT helping.  So at this point I am trying to hurry up to get the tire fixed so that the kids can get to cheer that night safely.  I stated to realize ow sick I am and go to the minute clinic, VIRUS, just time!  Thats it! Oh well, I go home and go back to bed.  Today, I wake up, I go to school, brain is still mush, not really able to hear or retain anything at all.  In between classes and campuses, I decided to stop and have my car washed, as I pulled in, my card was declined and I had to re-run the membership.  inside the wash I hear some loud banging and then it stops, Turns out, there was apparently a freakin ladder inside the wash that was beating up my new car. WTF???  At the end of the day, I am trying to gather myself to get my head together because I know I have to go home and pack for our trip to CT, and how were going to leave early before the blizzard.  We get work that the venue is calling off the competition.  Thank Goodness.  However with my delight I ran up to nap some more of my sickness away.  I woke up to the dogs barking like mad, then Hunter, peed on the kitchen floor twice.  So, I can not go any further tonight, I am falling as asleep. But know this, I AM having a cake sometime this weekend, idc if is by myself, lol.  Chocolate Cake dammit!


4 thoughts on “Hate feeling so negative!

  1. Aww I’m sorry your Birthday was spent without cake and with a flat tire to fix. 😦 But you better be stuffing your face with cake asap. Cake makes everything better, even the flu! Fell better soon!

  2. Recovery from an addiction is doable–its like letting the sunshine in. My father was an alcoholic and he quit drinking and stayed sober for the last thirty years of his 79 year old life and my father’s father, his brother and my brother were all alcoholics. Some quit and some didn’t.

    I drank heavy—very heavy—for sixteen years after coming back from Vietnam and then stopped in the early 1980s, and haven’t been drunk since.

    It’s nice to let the sunshine in and have it stay. Do not let the demons back in. My dad succeeded. I did it, and you can do it—one day at a time …

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