It’s been a really rough couple of days, just wishing and praying the pain goes away. Not often do I have some days like this, and the days like this I sure don’t miss.
Im blessed today as you can see, I am living and breathing, and just being me.
I am told that I must live life on life’s terms, without active addiction and news things to learn.
After all this time, and all I’ve overcome, this disease still effects me somehow through someone.
I have no control of the nouns in my life, yet I still let them cause me a small bit of strife.
I’ve not broken my time or commitment to self, I am fully aware, put it up on God’s shelf.
My attitudes my thinking whatever it may be, the problems I am choosing to tackle at sea.
My mountains, my valleys, and even my peaks, are optional battles that I choose for me.
I know I don’t have to appear at each and every fight, my battles are my choices, and lose them I might.
But don’t you be fooled, by my rant tonight, because I have shared this I’ll sleep good tonight.
I am but mere human and cant save the day, but clean and sober is my desire, just for today!
Gratitude speaks, when I share and when I care, Just For Today!
Originally posted on CBS Boston:
[worldnow id=9241191 width=385 height=288 type=video]
BOSTON (CBS) — Technology first used here in Massachusetts is helping couples have a greater chance of getting pregnant.
It’s called the Embryoscope and it is now starting to be used across the country.
We are a group of people, who on an individual basis are all experiencing life, which is an ever evolving mystery that encompasses pain and passion, faith and fear all in a days work, and yet we may feel alone in this huge world, someone else feels the same, somewhere. We are truly never perfect or imperfect just the way we are, we are each our own hero’s and monsters, nurturers and haters. Some of us leave Earth early, some late, some by choice, some by accident, some break down and get sick, and some just grow old; we each now know that every person has a ripple effect on the world around them even when they do not know it. Unity.
What is going on here, life is spinning so fast, yet so good. Don’t stop now I think. Theres so much to do. As I sit in the parking lot music blaring, loving it. What are my thoughts, well, yesterday I had 13 years clean and sober, today I have to give a self presentation. My thoughts race faster than I can put hem down, it’s a good thing.
Daniel is back from FLorida, he seems well, if theres such a thing in early recovery. He and my daughter are picking up where they left off which they think is starting anew. ha ha. I have enjoyed our conversation so far, it sounds all well and good.
My phone is ringing and beeping, idc though, let it ring, i hate my phone. I love music, it is so much better than the phone, its peaceful for my head no matter how loud it is. I will share tonight about the steps, my big book, the promises. Kelsey’s favorite song is on now, it si very intense, just like I feel. freehand writing is good, hopefully you’ll be able to follow it later. I dont know if I will. But idc it needs to be done. the music is thrashing in my ears, its matches the passion i feel inside all the time whether it be good or bad. I wonder if other people feel as loud as I do. I feel like they don’t. If they did, I think the world would be a different place somehow. Music and artists are so deep. Call 911 NOW! Yes Skrillex, I hear you, Mr. watch out for that little girl, she will come back to haunt you. She with gather the strength of many others and kill you.
Soon it will time to go in, i dont want to stop writing, I dont often get the chance, if I do it anyways wil the teacher notice? Will she give two craps?
I dont know what to do now. I guess I could tell you I have made a few friends in class. What sucks about this short class stuff is that you come to actually like these people and connect yourself to the world, and then boom its over. Err. The class ends at 10 and sometimes we are outside until 10:30 chatting away like its not a care in the world of time and space. Why does not everyone want to be on a path of self-enlightenment. Are there people who are really satisfied with who they are completely, without any question? God help them. I feel liek I will never be satisfied with anything, I will forever be craving growth and change, I guess that can be really bad, never happy? Will I arrive someday? Will I get to a place where I am not longer interested in school, in learning in God? Jesus I hope not.
The tone is down a notch with 10000 hrs by Mackelmore, obsessed by the way. Meaning, substance, but recovery of course. Please tell me that those people who are damaged goods are the only ones in the world that are open to enlightenment. Please tell me there are more, I feel like us people with a past are aliens in a world of Zombies who are separated from the truth, the light. Will they ever fucking get it?
Time to go, OUT